Westsidewill – Wild Off The Air

The Lingerie Football League.

I’m going to type that again just so we are all clear here:

The Lingerie Football League.

And the best news that I have ever read in my life, Chicago has a team! That’s right the Chicago Bliss

Chicago Bliss, aparently the roster is full of tight ends...worst.joke.ever.

When 5’7 119lbs qualifies you as a player on the OL you’re doing women’s football right.

My first thought was, do they need an assistant coach or something? I was pretty darn good at football back in my day.

My second thought was screw that! What do you need to do to become an owner in this league? I’m sure the WestSideWill bigwigs got paper like that, all I’d as for is the GM role…although to be fair I don’t think I could ever trade away any of my players. Well maybe after they g0t older it’s time to move them along.

And I’d also like to point out that my attention to detail would make me a great guy to have at the combine prior to the draft. You know, really put the girls through a workout so we can have the best draft ever!

I guess my only question is why do they even keep score in this league? I kind of already feel like we are all winners.

For those of us who played high school sports, or any sport in their life really, there was something fairly empty about a game ending in a tie. Something just wasn’t right, you didn’t get the high you get when you won and you didn’t get the low you got when you lost, you just got nothing. Some would say it’s like, “Kissing your sister”, in the theory that yeah your sister is a chick, and you kissed a chick, BUT…she’s your sister and you’re going to have crazy freak babies if you take it any further. (I don’t have a sister…and I always found this analogy to be pretty weird. I think kissing you sister is weird, I don’t think a tie is weird. I know exactly what happened in a tie game, I have no idea what happens to make you want to kiss your sister.)

Well our friends in Easton, Pennsylvania aren’t going to let a tie football game linger in their minds any longer! No sir. In 1993 Phillipsburg High School and Easton Area High School left the field in a 7 – 7 tie. Before I go on, I’d like to once again point out the date, 1993, some of us were still in elementary school…Moving on the bright bulbs at Gatorade, yeah the same company that thought it was a good idea to call themselves “G”, decided it would be an equally bright idea to get these guys from the 2 high schools back together again for a game roughly 16 years later.

Some would say that being 33 or 34 is “too old” for high caliber athletes to play football in the NFL but Gatorade said being 33 or 34 isn’t too old for guys who haven’t played football to take the field…on 8 weeks practice.

That’s right, they had 8 weeks to get into game shape and get ready for a full football game. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think if they gave my dad 8 weeks to get ready for a football game he’d be able to do it…then again he isn’t 33 or 34…but I’m just saying…

So what we have here is a group of old guys, who can hit harder than they did in high school, but can’t recover like they did in high school, playing a football game that Gatorade wanted to see played again. Am I the only one who thinks that not everyone is going to end up making it out of this game?

I’m not saying I think a Do-over is a bad idea, but what I am saying is that the 8 weeks is probably a bad idea. How long do they give those people on the biggest loser? That’s how many weeks these dudes should have had.

Anywhooo, you can read all about it on CNN right here: http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/24/gridiron.grudgematch/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Where the heck was I?

A recent article on Time.com tells of the great war of the world Vs the game of beer pong. Here is the short version of the story:

A video game company (JV Games ) wanted to make a game for the Wii, this game was a virtual “Beer Pong”. Well, when “parents” got wind of this they lost their damn minds and had to start writing letters protesting this game! How can JV Games dare make a game, of a game, that leads to drinking?

Here is what happened; JV Games caved, along with Nintendo, changed the ‘beer’ in the cups to water and changed the game title to: “Pong Toss”. Nice.

Maybe it’s just me, but I drank with or without the presence of beer pong at a party in college. So was this game really going to lead to more drinking? Was it going to happen that you and your buddies are sitting around with a case of beer but no one really has any urge to drink because you don’t have a digital version of beer pong available?

As we all know setting up for REAL beer pong is probably the one thing standing in the way of everyone being a drunk all the time!

Anywhoooo, that’s just stupid. Read the real article here: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1828085,00.html?cnn=yes

Beer Pong Isn’t a Crime!!!

What is beer pong?

Wow…that’s an annoying video (The background music looping, then not looping is terrible!!!! Oh well, they do a good job of showing the rules)…But…whatever I’m not looking for any others. That’s what you get.

The Nooge

Today is the somewhat-unofficial opening day of the 2008 baseball season and a day that also serves as the somewhat-unofficial first true day of spring. Yes, I know that March 20 is the real first day of spring, but honestly, how often is the weather even remotely pleasant by then? Of course, one could argue that the weather is even worse today than it was a week ago.

Regardless, there is just a certain unequivocal mood that I am put in once the baseball season starts; everything feels right in the world. The sun shines brighter. The grass is greener. Beer tastes only half as gross as it usually does. Hot dogs instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. Seriously though, is there another sporting event or holiday that puts us in a more optimistic mood than opening day of the baseball season?

I understand that we are all not sports fans of equal level; some people are fanatics, some people are casual fans, and some people aren’t fans at all. But for those people that care even a little, even have a team they root for, today is a day where no one is in last place. No one is 25 games out of first place with no chance at the postseason. No one has a key player out for the year with an injury. Everyone has a chance as of today. And that’s a good feeling. Check that, a great feeling. Isn’t equal opportunity what Tommy Jefferson wanted when he put his John Hancock on that Declaration of Independence? Better yet, isn’t that what John Hancock wanted when he put his John Hancock on it.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/15/Declaration_independence.jpg

Ok, I’m getting off topic, but I think you all understand what I’m getting at. Today is a day where we can afford to get swept up in optimism. And not even for just the baseball season, but for also perhaps the most important season: Speedo season. I know I like my chances of fitting into that baby blue Speedo. Am I right?

Ok, enough of that. Go out, enjoy the day and have a hot dog and cream soda on me. Well, not on me. Have them in honor of me.

Holy Cow!

Matt